


HEAR ME OUT

by LoveLouAndHarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Larry Stylinson Is Real, Mpreg Louis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-05
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-22 08:47:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15578139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveLouAndHarry/pseuds/LoveLouAndHarry
Summary: 31st October 2015The last concert of One Direction for a while, the band is taking a break, but apparently so are Louis and Harry. Or should we just say they're breaking up for good?27th May 2018Harry goes to visit Louis for the first time in a long while to work things out, only to be met with the love of his life chasing a 2 year old toddler with the same shade of green in his eyes.Or the one where Louis and Harry have a big fight that led them to a break up, with Louis flying to the USA and Harry angrily storming out of the room.





	1. HARRY'S PART

**Author's Note:**

> This story came into my mind one night when I was going to sleep. Thought you'd like to hear it out too. :) x 
> 
> Btw follow me on twitter: @ImLouisholic xx

**27th May 2018**

I was driving for about half an hour now, all the houses here look the same to me. But where is the one I'm looking for, the cute yellow house with a balcony and a front yard, the one with an apple tree in front and a small pond. The one which is on the picture Niall sent to me after me begging him for it. The one where he lives. 

Finally, I see it, just two houses forward. My heart starts beating really fast as I park in the driveway. I get out and lock the car. The sky is already dark and the street light makes the house look even more like a cozy home.

I find myself taking a deep breath before I knock on the door. This is it, this is the moment I find out the truth.

A young girl with short blonde hair opens the door. "Hi," she says in her American accent while she chubs another fist of gummy worms in her mouth.

"Hm, hi." I look at her and she stares at me with wide eyes, probably waiting for me to say something more.

"I'm looking for Louis, Louis Tomlinson. I thought this was his house."

She gives me a polite smile, "yeah, it is I mean, but he's busy right now. Come in, come in."

I take a step in the house looking around, taking in the sight. She gestures me to follow her and as we walk towards what appears to be a living room I take in every detail my eyes can detect. Beige colored walls, leather couch, CD's scattered on the coffee table, a big TV and an awfully big pile of clothes on the floor. And is that a baby bottle?

I am just about to ask the girl what is that, when I hear a baby squeal and then someone crashes in my legs. I look down only to be met with the most adorable sight. A baby boy with the same shade of green in his eyes as mine. I stare at him blankly and he stares back at me with wide eyes for a moment, then he takes off running towards somewhere else.

The moment is gone so fast I am not even sure I saw right. I close my eyes and shake my head, but when I open them again I am met with Louis chasing the boy laughing along the way. That's until he sees me standing in his living room and we both freeze. I don't dare say a word and he's in too much shock to even try.

I take a gulp and open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. We keep staring in each other's eyes, occasionally glancing over one another. He looks the same, like it hasn't been more than two years since we last saw each other. He still has the piercing blue eyes, his hair pushed to the side, wearing one of his infamous gray shorts and a yellow t-shirt. He is just as beautiful as I remember, just as small and hopefully just as in love with me as he used to be.

I cough and finally get myself to say, "Hi. Sorry for the unannounced visit."

He shakes his head as if he was trying to realize if I am actually real or is he just hallucinating. He scrunches up his nose and I laugh a little at that. I missed him so much.

"What are you doing here?" He shots me a small glare, but I sense fear in his voice and a little disappointment or maybe that's just him hurting again.

"I wanted to see you."

"Now? Why? Why after all these years, Harry?" His voice cracks at my name and my heart breaks a little.

"Because I-" I want to say I missed him but the words don't seem to come out. He gives me an impatient look and then he sighs.

He points his finger at me trying to say something but that's when the little boy squeals again running to Louis this time. He hides behind Louis, tugging on his shorts and looking at me with curiosity. He doesn't look shy but it's like he doesn't dare walk to me. Louis puts down his finger and rather ruffles the boy's hair.

"Come on Xander, let's get you into that shower," he says with fondness in his voice as he looks down at the little boy. He picks him up and turns to me, "we will talk later."

And then he walks away from me. Again.

The girl that opened the door comes back in the room with two cups of tea. She places them on the coffee table and flops herself on the couch. "Well don't just stand there, come sit." She shots me a smile and I still confused sit down beside her.

She titles her head at me, "so you're a friend of Louis'?"

"Well, we used to be b-" but I catch myself in the last minute, "best friends."

She eyes me suspiciously. Then she shrugs her shoulders. 

"Oh by the way, my name is Maggie."

"And I'm Harry."

We shake hands but then she starts laughing.

"What's funny?" I look at her with a raised eyebrow.

"You thought I didn't know who you are. That is funny." She laughs even more. And I crack a smile too. Right, totally forgot I used to be in a boy band with the guy she apparently lives with or?

"Sorry, but do you live with Louis here? Are you two together or something?" My heart stops, awaiting her answer. Is it possible he replaced me. 

"No, of course not. He's my neighbor, I live in that house with the big swan statue." 

I nod at her remembering seeing her house on the drive to here.

"And the baby, is it yours?" 

"What? Oh, you mean Xander. No, he's Louis' child."

"Oh." Now my heart starts racing and I feel my hand sweating. Could he be, is it possible he is, well, mine?

Maggie looks at me with a very worried expression, "are you okay, there?"

"I'm fine." I choke out in a bare whisper.

She nods and then she starts getting up. "Well, I guess you and Louis have a lot to talk about tonight, so I'm just going to leave now. Oh and, very nice to meet you, Harry." She shots me a grin and we shake hands again.

As she closes the door behind her I find myself observing the room again. So this is where Louis ran off to. This is where he spent all those months that I've been begging Niall to give me the address. This is where he escaped, to get away from _me_.

I sip the tea Maggie made in quiet and occasionally smiling at the sound of Louis shouting in the bathroom "Xander, stop! Don't splash! I'm all wet now!"

And then I hear light footsteps approaching and a baby laugh echoes through the room. I must admit I never felt so home in a house. And yet it pains me to see Louis laughing throwing his head back as the boy in his arms touches his nose and laughs too. It's so beautiful and it stings me knowing I hurt him. It stings knowing he ever shed a tear because of me.

He puts the boy down on the floor and the kid walks away to his toys. Louis waits a minute to see him start playing with them. Once he's sure the boy is not paying attention to us, he sits on the other side of the couch. So far away from me.

"Where is Maggie?" is the first thing he says.

"She said she has to go. I think you should lock the door by the way." 

Louis nods and goes to lock the door. And then he's back sitting so far away from me. But I can't blame him for it. Sometimes even I want to sit that far away from me, just because I know I hurt him. 

He waits another minute staring at the small boy playing with his toys. I stare at the boy watching the little boy play with his toys. And I know in my heart, I want him back, now more than ever. I want to make things right. 

But then I blurt out, "is he mine?"

Louis' head turns in my direction, he stares in my eyes looking for something in them. And I look into his, looking for an agreement, for hope, for love, for my Louis. For my happy Louis. 

At first, I think he won't say anything but then he sighs, "did you not see the color of his eyes?"

"I did."

"Well, then why are you even asking?" He sort of hisses at me, but I take it with no complaint made.

I shrug my shoulders.

"What is his name?"

"Xander. Actually it is Harry Alexander Tomlinson."

My heart breaks a little more as he stares at me again waiting for my response.

I speak just above a whisper, "you named him after me?" And there has never been so much fondness and pride in my voice.

"I figured, if he wasn't going to live with his other dad, at least he can have his name, right?"

"That is so-" I try to find the right word but in the end I break, "I'm so sorry."

Louis doesn't even blink, he just focuses his look on Xander again. I look at him too. Really look at him. Now I notice he has the same hair as Louis, same nose as Louis, even his mouth looks like Louis'. But his eyes are the same shade of green as mine. And when he smiles at his toy there appears a dimple on his cheek. I think I'm in love, for the second time in my life. And right in that moment I promise myself I will make them mine again. I will win their hearts. Because these two are my home.

"It's late," Louis says waking me up from the thoughts. I look at the clock on the wall. It says 9 pm. 

"I need to take Xander to bed. Will you wait a little?" 

I nod to his words, but as he gets up I surprise myself by saying, "can I help?"

Louis eyes me again, I feel anxious and scared and just want to hold him close again. He only shrugs and motions for me to follow him. 

He takes the baby upstairs in a room with a big bed and a crib next to it. He places the boy on the bed and he lays beside him. "You can lay on the other side," he says to me. 

I don't wait another minute, I lay on the other side of the bed, turning myself to lay on one hip facing the boy between us. Louis starts singing slowly and lightly as he rocks the boy with his hand. But Xander keeps his stare fixed on me as his eyes are slowly starting to close. I watch them both in admiration, in love, in hope to hold them tight every night.

Louis ends up singing two songs before Xander finally drifts off to sleep. He kisses his forehead and even lets me kiss the boy's hand. He then puts him in the crib and sits back on the bed.

His back is turned to me, as he observes the baby crib like he's seeing it for the first time. And to me it feels like I've just seen Louis for the first time. 

"Why did you come here tonight?" he says in a voice so quiet and so soft. 

"I wanted to see you."

"But why now, Harry?" He turns to me with eyes red and puffy. 

"I wanted to see you." I repeat, a tear rolling down my face.

"Why?" he chokes again.

"I missed you."

He takes in a deep breath, he blinks and then he gets up.

"Where will you be staying tonight? Or are you just going back home tonight?"

I'm about to tell him my home is wherever he is, but I bite my tongue instead.

"I am staying a few days, but no, I only arrived today. Any hotel nearby?"

"Not really," he thinks for a moment, "guess you can crash on the couch for tonight."

"Thank you," I say taken back a bit. 

"You're welcome. But tomorrow, I'll give you directions to a hotel."

I nod. Louis gets up finding a thin blanket and a duvet. He adds two pillows, pushing everything in my hands.

I take it downstairs and leave the things on the couch. I go to the car to take my pj's and a toothbrush.

As Louis turns off the light, we say goodnight and he leaves for his room, I look up at the dark ceiling and say, "I came to win you back."

 

 

 


	2. LOUIS' PART

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's driving me crazy, but I'm into it, but I'm into it  
> I'm kinda into it  
> It's getting crazy, I think I'm losing it, I think I'm losing it  
> Oh, I think she said "I'm having your baby, it's none of your business"

**28th May 2018**

I woke up to Xander crying his eyes out. I found him standing in the crib looking at me. "Morning bub, let's get you out of there." I kissed him lightly. "I know baby, I know, you're hungry."

I took him out of the crib and he calmed down a little. We went downstairs and as I passed the living room for a moment I almost had a heart attack. I have completely forgotten Harry was staying over. That still sounds surreal. _Harry_ staying over at my place.

I try to shush down Xander so we don't wake him up. I warm some milk and pour it in the bottle. I sit on the chair holding Xander on my lap as he chunks down the bottle of milk. I find myself dozing off a little because yesterday night just wracked me. Firstly, Harry showed up from nowhere with no announcement. Secondly, I looked like a mess, because managing a life as a single dad, that just happens to be gay and has to hide it from the whole world because he's also kind of famous, is stressful. 

Suddenly, I hear a raspy voice saying, "morning. Did you guys sleep well?"

And just like nothing has changed, just like those seven months and two years have never happened, just like it's only a 16-year-old Harry and an 18-year-old Louis again, I answer, "course, it was a quiet night. Not so hot as usual nowadays."

"Me too. Actually, I haven't slept this good in months."

And just like that I remember, that it has been months, years even, and that there's no small Harry wrapped in my arms, well there is right now, but that's not the Harry I told I love when I was 18, not the Harry I jumped in the arms of when we were put together in a group, not the Harry I spent imagining getting married to. 

I kiss my baby boy on the head as he drops his bottle on the table. "If you want breakfast, feel free to take anything in the fridge. We also have cereal, if you want that. I'm going to go change Xander."

I see him flinch at the word "we" but I shake it off and leave the room before he says anything.

I put a cute pair of shorts and a white t-shirt on Xander and a clean pair of shorts on myself. I throw on the Marvel t-shirt I find to be clean enough. Really gotta do the laundry. 

I leave Xander in the living room as I walk to the kitchen. I find Harry fully dressed and eating cereal.

"I even made you some. Figured you haven't eaten yet." He says with his mouth full.

"Uh, thanks." I smile a little sitting down on the chair. We eat in silence, the only sound filling the room is the sounds of the spoon hitting the bowl or occasional playful squeal from Xander. And I swear Harry smiles each times he hears it.

"So, how long are you staying here?" I say shoving another spoon of cereal in my mouth.

"I don't know. As long as it takes."

"As long as it takes what?"

Harry shrugs and I sigh, "you can't just come here after seven months and two years thinking I'll just let you waltz back in my life. I have, _we_ have a kid now Harry. I have to put him first."

He flinches at my tone, well, maybe I did use a tone a bit too harsh, but after what he did, I couldn't help it.

He puts down the spoon, runs a hand through his hair. Only now did I realize, "you've cut your hair," I blurt out.

His eyes shot up at me, "yes. Do you like it?"

"Looks nice." And I want to tell him that he looks good with any haircut, but I bite my tongue, because I just told him he can't waltz back into my life, and this would completely ruin it. But I want to say it, I want to shout I missed him, I longed for him to be back, to be here. But I don't.

"I'm sorry." He says it again. And I don't answer, again.

"I didn't mean to just barge in here after all these months, I didn't mean to come here and just waltz back into your life, as you put it. But I was listening to one of your songs the other day, Miss You, and the verse where you said we were in love and now we're strangers, it just hit me I don't want to be a stranger to you. I don't want us to be one of them."

"One of who?" my voice low and soft.

"One of those, that forget about their first love. One of those that move on so easily, the ones that don't fight for their love."

"What love, Harry? You were the one that walked away way before I did. You were the one that didn't want to have Xander. You were the one that-"

I break into crying and before he can finish the word "Lou-" I get up and leave to see Xander. I pick him up and hold him close to my chest, crying in my little boy's neck. "I'm sorry baby, daddy is going to protect you. You're mine and I'm not letting anyone hurt you." I kiss his forehead and then I let him down to play again. He looks at me with a confused expression. So innocent. So _Harry_.

I wipe my eyes in the t-shirt. As I look up Harry is there standing looking at me heartbroken. His eyes look red and it feels like I'm going to cry again. But instead I get up and say, "you should go."

He reaches his hand for mine but I snap mine back, before our hands can touch. I don't think I could bare touching him right now. Too afraid I'd never let go.

A tear rolls down his face as he looks at my hand. And for a moment I feel bad. I go to reach for his hand but I drop it mid-air. It's not the time.

He nods his head. "I know I hurt you and I really am sorry for it. I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't want you to take Xander away from me. But Louis, I never knew ab-"

"Stop, please. I don't want to talk about this right now."

He nods again. And I wipe my eyes with my hand once more. I take in a deep breath and let out a cracked laugh. "We're crying like two little girls."

"We are." He smiles too. Dimples.

"So, what are your plans for today?"

"I was going to find that hotel you talked about?"

"Oh yeah, it's not that far from here. But warning, this town is mostly old people, so if they won't recognize you, don't be hurt."

"Is that why you came here? To escape the people?"

"Yeah," and _you_ , I almost add but I don't. "I can show you the way to the hotel, going to take Xander to the park anyways. Boy has to go out at some point in the day."

Harry looks at him and my whole world seems complete for a moment, you know, except that it's absolutely not.

"Let me treat you a lunch," he finally says.

"Why?"

"I don't know, just want to do something nice for you, both of you."

"O-okay," I say unsure, "and can you watch Xander for just a moment? I have to get his bottle, clean clothes if he gets wet or dirty and you know, baby stuff."

"I'd love to watch him, yeah."

"Okay."  
  


As I'm putting things in the bag I hear my boy's laugh from the living room, and when I stand by the door I see Harry pulling funny faces at him. Xander is laughing his soul out and I catch myself smiling at the sight. 

I wish it was that easy to let him back in. To trust him again. 

"I'm ready, we can go now," I say.

Harry's happy face with glowing eyes shots up at me and just for a second I have to remind myself he is not mine. Anymore.

But at this moment nothing really matters, so I smile back, and it feels like nothing has changed. He picks up Xander, the boy still laughing in his arms. He walks over to me and leans down to kiss my forehead, but then he realizes what he's doing and he stops. He coughs. I blush a little. 

"Right, let's go then!" I say, trying to sound untouched by him stopping mid-air. Trying not to sound grateful for him to preventing it from happening.

Harry takes Xander to his car but then he remembers he has no car-seat for the baby. "Hm, Louis?"

"Yeah?" I am locking the door.

"I have no baby car seat."

"It's fine," I walk to the car, "he can sit on my lap."

"Okay then."

I sit on the passenger seat and Harry puts Xander on my lap. The boy waves his hands happily for no apparent reason and Harry smiles before closing the door.

We drive listening to the radio, I keep giving Harry directions. Just as we almost park in their driveway, we both stop talking in a moment. The song on the radio, it's History, from the band, from our band.

We sit in the driveway through the whole song. Neither of us is talking, but silence is saying way too much. Xander is shifting in my lap his head nodding to the song. It feels so unrealistic that our kid is listening to this. 

The song is finally over and we get out of the car. "So, this is like the only hotel here, and it's not that big, so let's hope they have an empty room." I say.

"Let's hope."

We get to the reception.

"Louis! Hi!" The man behind the counter greets me with a wide grin and then he coos at Xander. Harry looks taken aback, so small.

"Hi Carl, we have a guest that would like to stay here. Any free rooms?"

Harry nods at Carl and Carl nods back at him. "Sorry Louis, but we're all booked for the weekend, actually, the whole week. There's this camping group, sorry again."

"Oh," is all that gets out from my mouth.

"Aren't there any other places I could stay?" Harry looks from me to Carl, to Xander and back to me.

"Not really," I say and Carl shots him a sad look.

"Let's just go to the park, we'll figure it out there," I say. Harry nods, we say goodbye to Carl and he apologizes once more. But it's not his fault.

At some point I'd say it was destiny playing with us, but it probably is just a good weekend for camping.

At the park we let Xander play in the sandpit, as we sit on the bench watching him. 

"So what about the whole hotel thing." Harry looks at me.

"I don't know really, I was sure they would have a room."

"I guess I can stay in a hotel somewhere near, is there any hotel near this town?"

"Honestly, not sure. The only hotel I know is the one we've just been at. That's where I stayed the first night I came here after we-"

"Yeah."

We watch Xander shov his hand in the sand and then throw the sand around. The wind blows the sand in every direction and Xander keep laughing. 

"I guess," I look up at Harry's eyes, "you could stay at our place. For a few days."

He looks at me bewildered but I just get up to go tell Xander not to actually eat the sand. I don't look back at Harry but I can feel his smile burning on my back. And it makes me smile too.

 

 

 

 


	3. HARRY'S PART

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Same lips red, same eyes blue  
> Same white shirt, couple more tattoos  
> But it's not you and it's not me  
> Tastes so sweet, looks so real  
> Sounds like something that I used to feel  
> But I can't touch what I see  
> We're not who we used to be

**28th May 2018**

 

After park and a few minutes of convincing we finally made our way to a restaurant. It was a rather small one in the local inn. Louis said he knows the owner and apparently they make the best pizza. He was not lying. But I still enjoyed his company more than the delicious food.

Louis was right, here rarely anyone knew who we were. Most of the people could of been our grandparents and I must say it feels so good to be out here in the public with him without people jumping to conclusions or asking for pictures so that one of us would have to hide or explain why we were together today.

 

After the lunch we came back to the house and Louis started picking up the clothes and cleaning up. He said Maggie usually helps him with that kind of stuff but he told her she doesn't have to come this week, since I am here I can help him. 

Currently I was laying on the couch trying to find anything good on television. But then I saw Louis bending over to pick up Xander's toys and I couldn't help but stare for a little too long. 

I was still focused on him when he turned around and smirked at me. In that moment I was lucky enough Xander came running to me and bumped in my leg, because if not I would probably do something as stupid as get up and kiss the hell out of Louis.

"Hey little guy," I cooed at him and picked him up. Xander laughed in my lap. 

He was jumping on my lap and I sensed Louis' eyes on us. I cracked a smile at Xander that was mostly meant for Louis.

As Louis left the room I cupped Xander's cheeks and whispered, "I'm going to make your daddy fall in love with me again." And then I pressed a kiss to his little head.

I know he's too little to understand but he smiled at me and it felt as if he understood everything I felt inside. It is the second day since I'm here and I am already so attached to this little boy. 

"What do you want to do?" 

"Ha?" I only looked up to see Louis standing in front of me. How long has he been here?

"For the afternoon I mean, I won't be cleaning all day."

"I don't know, why? Any suggestions?"

"Well, I guess we could...watch a movie?"

"Yeah totally."

"Okay great, let me just put Xander up for his nap. It's already pass the time he usually takes one. And we really don't want him up all night." He laughs a little which immediately makes me laugh too.

"I'm going with you."

"Where?"

"To put him up for a nap."

And that's when Xander flops himself down on my chest, his head laying under my neck. His tiny hands pressed on both sides of me. I could swear Louis' eyes water for a nanosecond but then he said, "I guess he's comfortable there." 

"Looks like it," I laughed lightly.

"Let's get him upstairs before he falls asleep like this." He then started to reach for Xander but the boy pressed his head in my neck even more and almost started crying. Louis flinched and I felt so bad for him. 

"Maybe he could sleep like this?" I offered biting my lip.

"But," he looked at me and then at Xander and then back at me, "yeah, okay. When he falls asleep I'm taking him up."

"Course. Sit down next to us, Louis." 

He looked nervous as he sat down on the other end of the couch. I pulled up my legs so he had more place to sit. We decided to watch a movie while Xander was falling asleep. Half way through the movie, the boy started drooling on me and Louis slowly picked him up and took him up the stairs into his room. 

When he came back he sat down a little closer to me than before. He started fidgeting with the hem of his t-shirt. 

"Louis if there's anything you want to talk about, I'm ready." I said rather quietly. But nontheless his head shot up and he stared in my eyes.

 "How is Tara?" his voice just above the whisper, his eyes never leaving mine.

"She's okay, I guess. I haven't see her in months, Louis."

"Oh." And then he looked down again and stared at the floor. I, however, was still looking at him. He just looks so beautiful and I just missed him so much.

"She," I tried to tell him, but the words didn't want to come out. So I tried again, "she was trying to-"

I shook my head. "I will explain it to you one day, but right now I just can't. Please wait a few days and I will tell you everything." I reached out my hand and for the first time in almost three years I let it slide down his arm. "Everything." I whispered.

He didn't move his arm away, he just looked up at me saying, "I'm looking forward to that. I didn't understand, Harry, I still don't. It all happened so fast, and I thought we were doing really good back then. Weren't we?"

I reach out to stroke his arm again and this time he leans his head on the side a little at the touch.

"We were more than good, we were perfect." He stares at me and I stare at him. 

"That night you were trying to tell me you are pregnant, but why didn't you just blurt it out?" I look at him with tears already prickling in my eyes.

"I didn't want you to abandon Tara in such a situation."

I flinched at that, "You have no idea what was going on. But I will tell you one day soon, I promise. And also I cannot believe you sacrificed raising Xander on his own just so you wouldn't do that to her. You have such a big heart, Louis. That is one of the reasons why I lo-" I stopped for a moment and I saw Louis' breathing stopped as well, "look up to you always." 

He nodded. I swear I saw a hint of disappointment in his eyes, but I thought he wasn't ready to hear I am still so in love with all his little things.

"Can I hug you?" I blurt out the next minute. His scared eyes stare in mine, blue meets the green as his head does a small and fast nod. 

I move closer to him for an inch, and another inch and another until our legs are touching. I open my arms and wrap them around him. He puts his on my back and nuzzles his face in my neck. I press my face to him. Taking in the smell, the feeling, the softness of his body, the touch of him, the everything I haven't felt in years, the love, the caring, the Louis I haven't hold in forever. I tight my grip on him, everything I have loved in my life is back in my arms and I don't think I am ever letting go of him again. 

 


	4. LOUIS' PART

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re singing ‘'til last call  
> And it’s all out of tune  
> Should be laughing, but there’s something wrong  
> And it hits you when the lights go on  
> Shit, maybe I miss you
> 
> Just like that and I’m sober  
> I’m asking myself, is it over?  
> Maybe I was lying when I told you  
> “Everything is great  
> Everything is fucking great”

**1st June 2018**

 

It's been a few days since we hugged, and I can still feel his touch linger on my back and his face nuzzled in my neck. We haven't talked about anything yet. Which is good, because we had the time to get used to each other again, without all the package our past holds. But I know at some point soon, we are going to have to talk. It is inevitable, especially if at some point in life we agree to be together again. Wait, why am I already thinking about this? It's only been a few days.

I shake my head and take another spoon of cereal. Currently I am having breakfast alone, because Harry woke up early and fed Xander, then he took him grocery shopping. But he did wake me up to ask if he can do that, and obviously I let him. I like sleeping in, but I never do it now, because Xander wakes me up at 7 am and I can't really leave him unsupervised. 

I am just putting the bowl in the sink, when the doorbell rings. I go open it.

"Hi!" Maggie cheerfully enters the house without waiting for my response. 

"Hello to you too. Come in, I guess."

She flops herself on the couch and I sit next to her.

"Thought I texted you, you didn't have to come today?"

"Oh, but I needed to."

"Why?"

"We have to talk."

I cock an eyebrow, "about what?"

"You and Harry."

"There is nothing to say about that. Nothing is going on." Except that I just completely lied to her. But she doesn't have to know that, right? 

"Louis," she groaned. "What the hell happened between the two of you?"

"I am not talking about that, why do you want to know so bad?"

I was starting to get slightly annoyed, she knows for a fact that I don't talk about what happened between us that night. Harry is the only person I will ever talk about that with. It still pains me to think about that night, about everything we said, everything that happened. And the morning after was just as hell as the night before. I almost made the biggest mistake that day. 

I glance at Xander's stuffed rabbit on the floor and a tear rolls down my cheek. This is why I never talk about that night.

"Louis, I see how hurt you are now, I saw how hurt you were years ago when you came here for the first time. Fine, don't tell me what happened, but tell me one thing... Do you still love him?"

My breath hitches and I try to tell her that I am but my mouth doesn't make a sound. I think she sees it in my eyes as she sighs and nods her head to the complete silence.

I take a deep breath, "Maggie, I want to tell you, but I am not ready to tell it to anyone. That night we both made some terrible choices, he knows what his was and I know what mine was. The next day I almost did the biggest mistake of my life, and I thank myself every day that I never did it. It's such a long story anyways."

"I have time."

"But I don't have the power or will to tell you about this now."

"Okay."

"Maybe one day, when we're older and it will stop stinging every time I think of it."

"Yeah."

"So, what are your plans for today?"

"I was going to buy Xander a gift, is there anything he needs?"

"Oh, you don't have to. We're fine, but you have to come to the birthday party tomorrow. Yeah?"

"Absolutely! Who else is coming?"

"Just us three, you and maybe some of the boys."

"No family?"

"I kind of asked them not to come, trying to work things out with Harry now."

"Oh, I see."

We end up talking about different things before she suddenly remembers she has to go. But just as I sit down again, Harry and Xander are back.

"We're here!" Harry yells from the hallway.

"In the living room!" I shout back.

Back when I first came here, I spent months thinking what it would be like to have Harry around. To be there with him at night, to snuggle up to him as we fall asleep on my big bed. How would it be like if we fed the baby together, how Harry would warm the milk and check the temperature on his wrist and then hand me the bottle to feed Xander. I wondered how it would be like if we went to the park together, take long walks. I wondered how would we come out to the public, how we would finally be free to take our baby out without trying to hide him from others all the time, how it would be like to hold Harry's hand for everyone to see. I even thought about how the exact moment of our confession would look like. Would we post a picture on Instagram, would we do it on a show, would we make a live stream or just let someone take pictures of us in the park and never say they are fake?

I wondered a lot back then, I still do it now sometimes, but now Harry is actually here. As much as it scares me to have him back in my life, it also makes me so happy. It's not like I had no one over these two and a half years, but I missed him. He was the one I ever needed, the only one I ever loved. And as pathetic as it sounds, it might of been only about four days, but I wish I had it in me to just let him back in my life now.

I must of been lost in my thoughts for a while, because now Harry is in front of my face waving his hands like crazy. "You alright there?" he says.

"Yeah, I'm better than that." I say with a smile. He flashes me one back, and I really have to press my legs to the floor to restrain myself from getting up and hugging him. Only now do I notice he's wearing a shirt, three buttons unbuttoned and as he is leaning in front of me I can't help but stare at his chest. He looks incredibly gorgeous, and it triggers my mind whether I should just let my emotions out and hug him. Or maybe what I want is to kiss him. Yeah, that's the one.

Now I can't stop staring at his lips, and then back to his chest, and his lips, and I am suddenly starting to feel hot, my cheeks must be red and my hands are sweaty. It's been so long ...

Harry does a confused face, "what is wrong, Louis?"

"I will just," I get up, make a motion with my hand that even I don't understand, and leave the room. I go straight to the bathroom and splash my face with cold water. I stare at my reflection in the mirror. Why are you like this? Why can't you just forgive him? Why can't you just kiss him? Or at least, why can't you move on from him? Sure there are so many guys out there that would be with you. Why can't you forget those green eyes, those red lips, those gorgeous gorgeous hands tracing down your body, why can't you just F O R G E T  H A R R Y ?

I splash another wave of water on my face and then exit the bathroom. Harry is playing something with Xander, so I make myself upstairs. I close the bedroom door and search for Niall on my phone.

It rings three times before a grumpy voice answers, "hello?"

"Hey Nialler, it's Louis here."

"Oh, hey Lou. What's up?"

"Are you coming down here tomorrow?"

"Well, yeah I thought I would. Why?"

"Harry is here."

There is a pause on the other line, then some shuffling of paper and then Niall again, "sorry, had to move something. So does this mean you don't want me to come there tomorrow?"

"No, actually it means the opposite."

"What?"

I sigh, "Look I don't want to be alone with him tomorrow. I will be emotional enough about my baby growing up, I really don't need to be all alone with Harry. Please, come."

I hear Niall laughing on the other side, if he was here right now I'd flip him off.

"Now, I am definitely not coming. I don't know what happened between the two of you that night, but whatever it was, you have to get back together. So, no Niall tomorrow."

"Niall!"

"I am just joking, of course I'll come. Gotta check if Liam or Zayn are coming too. Unless, you don't want to see them either?" I can hear his smirk. I can see his stupid smirk.

"Shut up." He starts laughing again and I really can't help it when I let out a laugh too.

"So, how's it going with the two of you?" 

"We are doing alright, I think. Nothing really happened, we hugged....once."

"That's good, take it slow mate. If anyone is destined to be together, then it's the two of you. Baby steps."

"Thanks."

"For?"

"For always being there for me."

"Sure thing, Lou."

"So, see you tomorrow at noon?"

"I will be there around 10 am actually, catching an early flight."

"Oh, okay."

"See ya, bro."

"Bye."

I leave the phone on the nightstand and walk back to the living room. 

"Niall is coming tomorrow, and maybe Liam or Zayn."

"That's great." Harry looks up from the floor, where he is sitting and playing with cars. Xander looks at me too, and I can't help myself but coo at how much they look a like. 

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Can we talk tonight? I want to talk before Xander's birthday tomorrow."

"Sure, anything you want Louis."

I smile at him, but in my head I am already anxiously looking for the answer I've been dreading all these months: why did he break up with me that day?

.

.

.

It is around 9 pm when Xander is safely asleep in his bed, and I'm sitting on the couch with Harry. We are facing each other and I keep fidgeting with my sweater. He looks extremely nervous and keeps glancing around the room. I take a few deep breaths and he wipes his hand on his trousers.

"So, where do we start?" He says.

For a moment our eyes just linger on each other and we look extremely young again. The flashback of our first real talk comes to my mind. The moment we expressed our love for each other, I feel the same nervousness, the same anxiety he doesn't feel the same way, even though deep down I know he does. I see him shift uncomfortably and I remember he moved the same way, eight years ago when we sat like this on the couch back in the judges house. I think of our first kiss, our first hug, our first night together. I think of the first time they told us to stop interacting with each other on stage, to stop sitting together at the interviews. I remember the first time Harry broke in tears in my lap, because it all caught up with him. 

I look up at Harry's eyes again and all I see is the 16-year-old Harry with a beanie on his head, cheekily smiling at me as he says I look really hot tonight. And in my head I see myself laughing as I tackle him in a hug. I wonder if that's what Harry sees when he looks at me now? I could of just ask him right now, but that's not why we are sitting on this couch right now.

"Let's start the moment you said you don't love me anymore." I keep a stern look fixed on his eyes, even though it feels like I'm about to cry I don't let myself.

"I had to say that, unless you would never let me break up with you."

"What?" Now what does that mean.

Harry looks down to the floor. His gaze stays there as he says: "They made me do that Louis, I didn't want to leave you. In fact, I was going to propose to you. Not that night specifically, but I bought the ring already."

My mouth is open and I am in full on shock staring at him, I don't think I heard that right. I don't think I heard that right.

"You, what? Who is _they_? What are you saying, Harry?"

He clears his throat as he looks up at me again. "They as in Tara and her friends, told me they will hurt you if we don't break up. So, I had to find a way to do it. And making up the whole baby thing seemed like the best idea."

"What?! It was all a lie?!"

My mind was running hundred a mile, I don't understand anything.

"Tara fell in love with me, and she gathered up her friends to help her on her plan. She knew I was going to propose to you and she couldn't accept the fact I love you, so she decided to threaten me. Saying she will do something to you, hurt you, kill you. She harassed me with that every single day, until I gave in her threats. I couldn't bare losing you."

"But why did you believe her?! We could of just talk to each other and solve that."

"No, Louis. She hired someone, literally hired someone to follow you around. I saw the pictures, that's how I knew you went out with Olly that night. That is how I knew where you were all days. She kept coming to me with those pictures. I went to LA a lot, because I was always there trying to convince her to stop. I tried to come up with something that would save you, save us. But every time I made a new proposal, she came up with more threats, on the end she literally said she will kill you. And I was stupid enough to believe her, tho she did sound crazy saying that. I had to do everything I could to save you from her claws. So I made up the story about her being pregnant with me, and you so easily bought it, it hurt me. How could you believe I would cheat on you?"

"I didn't, but you kept repeating it, and that made me give in. Even if deep down I knew you were lying, it hurt to know you were lying. That's why I stormed out. That is why I agreed on the break up. That is why I left the room knowing I will raise Xander on my own. Because I couldn't stand the thought of you lying to me or actually cheating on me."

At this point we are both crying and shaking. And I am reliving every single tear from that night and I am shaking with my entire body. "I'm sorry." Harry chokes out.

"Me too."

"But you did nothing wrong."

"I took away your child, Harry."

"But you had no choice there, you wanted to protect him."

"And you wanted to protect me."

I see him hesitate for a moment before he leaps off the spot and crashes me in a hug. I hug back tight as I can and then he presses his lips to mine. We both taste like salt, our wet cheeks pressed together, there's a puddle of tears between us, puddle of emotions we kept inside for so long. The kiss is wet, slow, emotional and the most beautiful one we ever shared. I feel like I never want to let go, and Harry seems to agree with me.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. HARRY'S PART

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just popping in to say you should go check out my poem too: SILK ON MY SKIN
> 
> Follow me on twitter: @ImLouisholic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was stumbling, looking in the dark (ohho)  
> With an empty heart  
> But you say you feel the same  
> Could we ever be enough?  
> Baby we could be enough
> 
> And it's alright  
> Calling out for somebody to hold tonight  
> When you're lost, I'll find the way  
> I'll be your light  
> You'll never feel like you're alone
> 
> I'll make this feel like home

**2nd June 2018**

 

I woke up early because my back was killing me with pain, this couch is comfortable but it's not really the best bed. I ran a hand through my hair and walked to the bathroom. I brushed my teeth, splashed my face with cold water to wake up and dressed up. Louis must of been still asleep because the house was dead silent. I decided to make him a cup of tea, I know how he likes to drink it in the morning. As I was waiting for the water to boil I sat down by the kitchen table thinking of all that happened last night. There is still so much left to explain, to share with Louis and for him to share with me, still such a long time to fully regain his trust. But it's also kind of relieving to know I already told him most of the story, it feels good he finally knows why I broke up with him. Those moments still sting, that night is still the worst night in my life. How could I ever have been stupid enough to let him go that easy? If I just told him right there back then, maybe we would find a solution and beat Tara at her own twisted game.

The other thing I can not keep out of my mind is the kiss. Last night he let me kiss him. I almost forgot how his lips tasted and how soft and yet rough. The taste was bitter sweet mixed with salt, because we were both crying. I don't think we have ever shared a kiss more intimate, more scared, more soft and more meaningful.

Ever since the moment I saw him running after Xander the day I came here, I can't stop thinking about what it would be like if he told me he was pregnant that night. I can't stop trying to imagine him with a baby bump. I really have to ask him for some pictures to see what it looked like. Louis with a baby bump. Must of been the most adorable, most beautiful thing to see. I wish I was there. I sigh at my thoughts but also a small smile starts to creep in because I keep imaging him with a four month baby bump in a big sweater. 

The sound of boiling water wakes me up from my thoughts. I make us tea and pour it in two mugs, adding some milk in Louis'. I make sure the stove is turned off, as I make my way upstairs. As imagined Louis is still soundly asleep, but Xander is already standing up looking at me from his bed. I leave the cups on the nightstand and make my way around the big bed. 

"Morning sunshine," I coo at Xander as I lift him up in my lap. I kiss his forehead and sit down next to the sleeping Louis. Xander is playing with my hair and sucking on his pacifier. He looks so adorable, I look at his small nose and his big green eyes. I still can't believe _we_ made him. I know it's too early too think about things like that but I really hope we have more children. I am not giving up on Louis until he is back in my arms as my boyfriend, my fiance, my husband, the love of my life.

Xander sleepily presses his head on my shoulder and I can feel his breathing on my neck. It's such a special feeling holding your child, your _child_. I hug him a bit tighter and he nuzzles his head. 

Louis shifts a bit and I can't help myself but use my other hand, the one I am not holding Xander with, to stroke Louis' cheek. It's so soft. I missed him so much, and there is nothing more I wish than to have back the privilege to hug him when I want, to kiss him good morning and to kiss him goodnight. I miss the small, gentle, intimate moments we shared. I miss the sex too, but mostly I miss holding him in my arms and him holding me. I remember on the tour when we sneaked off the stage during a concert to kiss, we couldn't take it for the whole concert to end. And then Liam, Niall and Zayn kept saying we are being too obvious, and then management started to make us date girls, and we ended up going farther and farther away from each other.

Now I keep thinking of every night I spent in LA, trying to convince Tara to stop, trying to get her off of Louis' back. I am wondering if she knew he was pregnant, what if she did know and that's why she started pressuring me more. But how would she know? Maybe one of her stalkers saw Louis going to the pharmacy, maybe someone heard him say it. Maybe Louis told her. No, he wouldn't.

"Hmm" I heard a small noise escape Louis' lips. Oh if I could just lean down and kiss him. Maybe I can? But that would be inappropriate. Or .. well, we did kiss last night. 

I put Xander on the bed he immediately turns towards Louis and reaches his hand to touch his dad's arm. I see Louis smile at the touch, and I can't hold myself back. I lean down to press a kiss on his lips. It's small and short and for a moment I think he didn't even feel it, but as I am about to move away he opens his eyes. They are wide and so blue, and he looks really sleep and really hot. I fall in love again. And again. And again.

I pull away and Louis keeps staring at me. "Why did you do that?" he whispers.

"Sorry, I just really couldn't restrain myself, you looked so adorable while sleeping."

"I mean, it's okay but the morning breath and all." He awkwardly waves his hands as he slowly gets up.

I let out a small laugh and smirk, "I've seen everything about you, don't forget." I do a small wink and I can see him blush. He looks flustered.

"I've seen everything about you, as well." He says as he picks up Xander. 

"I know," my voice gets lost somewhere in the memory of our first kiss.

"I made you some tea," I say a minute later pointing at the mug on the nightstand. "Thanks," Louis says while yawning. He pressed Xander tighter to his chest and says, "happy birthday baby boy, you're so big now, two years old." I can hear him sniff a little and I climb to the middle of the bed to hug them both from the back. "Happy birthday Xadner," I say the side of Louis head while looking at the baby on his lap.

Neither of us moves for a few moments, and Xander just keeps looking at Louis and at me, and back and forth.

After a few minutes I make myself sit next to Louis, "do you have any pictures of him when he was smaller? Or maybe you with a baby bump?"

Louis hesitates for a moment, "hmm I do, yeah."

"Can I see them? I kept imaging you with a baby bump all morning, please."

"Sure, later."

He gets up, still looking confused and unsure. I take the cups of tea and take them back to the living room. As I wait for Louis to get Xander and himself ready I turn on my phone, and make myself to twitter.

I decide to tweet something about spending your time with family, and my notifications immediately blow up asking if I am with my mum and Gemma, but there are a few people arguing that I am actually with Louis. Then a whole other group of people tries to convince them that Louis and I don't even talk anymore, that we were never a thing. Someone even calls a person delusional and I just sigh at my phone.

So I decide to drop another hint and type in another tweet: "Guess who's coming to see us? The lads!" 

That tweet blows up even more people freaking out over as they put it 'one direction reunion', and I can't help but let out a tiny laugh, a tiny sigh and something in between a grunt and a laugh.

I see about fifteen theories about who "us" is, and I can't help but smirk at the tweet saying us is Louis and Harry and their baby. But I am also triggered as to how does that person know about the baby, I know Louis kept him a secret, because by now I would of known about him if it was known to the public. But then again maybe that person just went to guess at it blindly. I wish I could just write them and scream to the world the us is Louis and Harry, the us is Louis and Harry and Xander. But I can't, and I am not allowed to, and I think Louis wouldn't agree with it either.

I turn off my phone as Louis walks in letting Xander down and he runs off screaming of excitement. He starts playing with his toys and Louis starts drinking his tea. "Niall should be here soon," he says.

I nod. "Louis, you did an amazing job."

"At what?"

"At raising Xander. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me," he frowns, "he's my child too."

"I know, but I have to thank you for you know, never giving up."

"Well, it was not all that easy keeping it a secret from the media. Try going grocery shopping with a nine month baby bump and not getting anyone to take a picture of you."

"Was it really hard?"

"I guess, at first, but then Maggie started helping me out. When he was born, whenever we went out, we kept saying that is her little brother. No one questions little brothers."

I was about to say something but the doorbell rang. Louis gave me an apologetic look as he let down the mug and went to open the door."Xander, come here," I called. He turned his head to me and stumbled to get up and ran to me. He literally crashed in my open arms and started laughing. I wrapped my arms around him and he closed his eyes laughing and threw his head back. It is like holding a mini version of laughing Louis. The thought of it makes me grin as I stare at the little boy. And the I hear someone, "aww" and a click of the camera. As I look at the door there is Niall holding his phone up, and Louis and Liam talking behind him. 

"I am posting this on IG story," Niall says and Louis quickly jumps at the sound of that. "You literally can not do that," he says with a stern look on his face.

"Why? No one will know whose baby it is." Niall shrugs.

"No Niall! You can't what if they start jumping to conclusions?!" Louis is slowly turning red and he looks completely anxious. I pick Xander up and walk over to Louis wrapping an arm around his shoulders. I give him a small squeeze, "no one would know for sure, even if they started guessing, like you said we can always blame it on little brother from your neighbor." I wink at him and I can feel him relax a little.

"I still don't want him to post it." He says moving a bit closer to me.

I hear another click of the camera. "Niall stop taking photos!" I yell at him. He just starts laughing, "you are a really cute family. I won't post it, okay? Chill. But I am sending it in our band group chat."

"Guys, do you have anything to drink?" Liam finally speaks up.

"Hey there, totally forgot you were here too." I say turning around to look at Liam. 

"I figured." He says, cooing at Xander in my arms. 

.

.

.

.

We had cake, the boys brought some toys for Xander. Zayn couldn't come but he sent a text wishing him a happy birthday. Maggie came around later in the night. Niall updated us on having a girlfriend and Louis said he was thrilled for him and Hailee because they are the most adorable couple, to which I argued that him and me were the most adorable couple, to which both Niall and Liam agreed but then Louis shrugged it off. We stayed up till midnight, Xander was long asleep when Niall said, "I am wrecked from the drive, where are Liam and I sleeping?"

"I thought you'd sleep with me in the bedroom, Liam and Harry can take the couch? It's not such a big house, sorry guys."

"What? No way bro, you like turning at night, Harry is used it, so he can sleep with you. Liam and I are taking the couch."

"But-"

"No but, Lou, sorry lad but neither of us is rested enough for you to be turning and kicking all night."

Liam throws his arms up as in he agrees with Niall and Louis is left with his mouth half open. I am waiting for him to start freaking out or shouting but he just closes his mouth and shrugs. Okay, guess we are sleeping together. In the same bed. After months and months and months.

Since both Niall and Liam really looked tired we left them to rest, making ourselves up the stairs. Once we were sitting on the bed Louis pulled out a pile of photos. "I believe you wanted to see these."

He handed me the photos as he sat next to me on the bed. Our arms barely touching. My hands were shaking a little when I grabbed the pile of pictures. I started looking through them as Louis was looking at my reaction. So many cute baby Xander photos, I couldn't stop smiling, and from the corner of my eye I think I saw Louis smile too.

"He was so little," I say, my voice soft and proud. Louis nods in silence still looking at me.

The next few pictures are from sonograms of a tiny bean that was later born as Harry Alexander. I can't help but tear up a little. And the next photo is Louis standing on some backyard, the wind is pressing his white t-shirt to his baby bump and I completely melt. I look at the picture and I look at Louis and I see he is biting his lip. 

"Can I touch it?" I blurt out, looking at the picture.

"Touch what?" Louis titles his head at me.

I look at his eyes and not breaking the contact I say, "your stomach."

"W-w-why?"

"I wanna know how it felt to have him in there."

Louis hesitates for a moment too long before he just casually goes to sit between my legs. I can feel my heart beating fast as I place my hands around him. I hold his left hip with my left hand and I slide my right hand under the hem of his t-shirt. I can feel him tense up a little. But then he relaxes. I move my hand in small circles on his stomach. I close my eyes imagining there is a baby inside and I smile up at the ceiling. Louis holds up the picture in front of him, "I was only five months along here."

I look at the picture again, "you looked so beautiful. I can't wait to see you pregnant."

"But you just saw the picture." He laughs.

"Yeah, but I meant in real life." He pauses and I snuggle my face in his neck. My hand still making small circles on his stomach.

"Oh," is what he says before he lets the picture fall on the bed as he places his hand on top of mine. Our hands still lingering where the baby used to be.

"I came here to get you back, and now that I know I missed whole seven months of you with a baby bump and how gorgeous you looked with it, I am making sure to see it again, but this time really be there." I press a peck to his shoulder.

"But Harry, we are not tog-"

"We aren't yet, but we will be. Give me time to regain your trust."

"But you already did." He whispers it so silently like he didn't want me to hear it, so I just don't reply to it. I smile at his neck and start tracing kisses down to his shoulder. As I try to start again at the top I feel Louis push my hand off of him as he turns around to face me. He is on his knees looking me directly in the eyes as he says, "We will see," and then he kisses me. I am taken aback but in a second I am kissing back. We are pulling on each other's back to get closer and closer, like we want to swallow each other's whole bodies just to be closer. I run out of breath so I pull away and press our foreheads together, panting and out of breath I choke, "happy birthday to me too, then." As he starts laughing I dive in for another kiss. 

 

 


End file.
